


The Five Stages of Grief

by darlingsdevil



Category: Uncharted (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, mostly angst but just a dash of fluff, reader is female
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:48:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27414502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingsdevil/pseuds/darlingsdevil
Summary: Samuel Drake is dead to the world, stuck in a prison for a crime he did not commit for the rest of eternity.
Relationships: Nathan Drake/Elena Fisher, Samuel Drake/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	The Five Stages of Grief

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to get back into the swing of things for other works.. and I also wrote it because I’m bitter at Naughty Dog for making Sam so one dimensional.. come on now, Sam spent 13 years in prison. 
> 
> Sorry for the typos.. I’m too lazy to edit these days. 
> 
> Also, I don’t speak Spanish so sorry if the translations are wonky. 
> 
> There will possibly be a part 2.. I’m still deciding. Healing for Sam Drake 2020, right?

_ Denial  _

Sam awoke in a small room, dazed and confused There were stone walls, a blaring light above him. It reeked of blood and sweat and every grossly humane thing in existence. 

At first, panic set in, he thrashed and writhed and felt a burning pain in his stomach, like his insides were being torn apart. He heard yelling, he felt two sets of hands push him down, something pricked him. 

And then he was out. 

When he awoke again, he was in the same room. There was grogginess in him, like something had been shrouding his mind. He blinked a few times before he attempted to move again, only to realize he had been restrained. He struggled against the restraints, feeling that same burning in his stomach, the pain became unbearable. 

He laid back onto the metal table and caught his breath, his shirt was bloodied. There was blood all over him. Was that his blood? 

_ Oh god.  _

He remembered being shot, watching his brother lose the hope in his eyes, he felt the blood rise in his throat, and then he felt his bones crunch as he fell. And he remembered thinking of you, in a way he knew it would be his last thought. A glimmer of you in his jacket, smiling and beaming at him. And then it was over. Why wasn’t is over? 

_ Oh god no.  _

Terror and shock rose in him, no no, this could not be happening. He was supposed to be dead. He was supposed to die when he fell. He was supposed to be six feet under by now. 

No, this was Hell. He was being punished, and forced to live a life of pain. This was his personal punishment for a crime he did not commit. 

“Ah, Mr. Drake, you are awake,” A voice said as the door opened in the bland room. There was a counter with ‘medical’ supplies next to it. 

A man stepped into the room, a doctor? 

“You broke your neck when you fell. You’re dead. We could not save you,” The man began. Sam’s brow furrowed in confusion. 

“You are legally dead. Except of course, you are not. A man came looking for you by the way, we had to break the news to him,” The man teased him cruelly, a glimmer in his eye. 

“Where is my brother?” Sam croaked out. 

“Oh, long gone by now. We told him we found you dead. As far as the world knows, you are. I hope you enjoy prison, Samuel Drake,” The doctor cackled menacingly as he left Sam. Two guards entered, they took the restraints off of his arms and legs, they pulled him off the table roughly. 

He wanted to fight back, he wanted to throw every punch their way and escape that hellhole. But there was no fight in him, his body was broken, everything in him felt like it was screaming. 

They dragged him to his cell since he could not stand. He heard the catcalls and whistles from the other prisoners, freshmeat they cheered, a gringo too. Maybe they would rough him up a bit.

They threw him into the cold cell, he landed on his back and it knocked the wind from him, even if the air was burning and stuffy, there was no life in that prison, there was no happiness, no joy, no human emotion. There was only ruin. 

He quickly lifted up his shirt and examined his wounds. A large bandage on his chest, he remembered feeling the blood enter his throat and suffocate him. 

He remembered watching Nathan become heartbroken. 

He remembered the fall. 

_ No, this was not happening!  _

•••

_ Anger  _

The guards punished him brutally for killing one of their own. They beat him daily, they dragged him out of his cell, they made an example out of him even if he hadn’t done anything, they made a mockery out of him. 

And the men followed suit too, they teased and threatened. He had to watch his back every waking hour. He could not let his guard down for even a second. 

There was no one to help him, there was no one to save him. He was left alone in a foreign prison where he was hated, where he was starved and beaten. No men would talk to him, he was seen as a lesser being, someone to pick on. 

A part of him began to hate the world too. He resented Nathan, for not trying to save him. He resented you for letting him go on this stupid trip. He had a life sentence, he was never getting out. 

But most of all, he hated himself. He could not look in the dirty mirror, he would not talk to anyone, he let the guards beat him up. He did not fight back, but he watched his back. If someone were to sneak up on him, at least he would know it was coming. 

He tried not to think, to not let his anger overcome him. He did not want to hate his baby brother and you, people who did not deserve such hatred. But he did think. He thought constantly, there was nothing to keep his mind off of it. He had no money to buy anything, no one to send him anything, no books, no entertainment. He was not allowed to get a prison job, the guards wanted to watch his every movement. 

He saw red every hour of every day. He saw it every time he blinked. It was all around him, it was bubbling and pooling inside him. Sam wanted to punch the wall and scream, he wanted to lash out, he wanted every man in that prison dead. Sam wanted to scream at you and Nathan for abandoning him, for allowing him to live the rest of his life in prison. But there was no fight in him. There was no charm, no quips. A shitty slinged broken arm and healing bullet wounds, bruises all over his body and aching bones. There was no way he could fight. So he didn’t. 

•••

_ Bargaining _

Time passed slowly. Late at night when he watched the moon through the barred window in his cell, he wondered what would have happened if things had gone differently. 

The only thing that brought him comfort was the thought of you. Even if what ifs were painful, a part of him was comforted by them. As he viewed the night sky, when the tropical storms rolled in, through the sweltering heat, especially then would it bring him comfort. 

A life with you. Maybe he would have had his big break, found Avery’s treasure and never have to work another day in his life. He would be satisfied by his winnings and never want to go out and look for another. You and him could have been married, like he had promised, a small wedding that was beautiful, seeing you walk down the aisle in the dress you picked out, kissing you in front of everyone. Then you would have bought a grand home in Boston, lived out your thirties and then had kids, he would become the father he never had. Raised them right, they would become doctors or lawyers. And then you and him would truly retire, be old and frail together and one day it would end. 

And it hurt to think that way. To want something so bad, but know it would never happen. To know that he would be stuck in this hellhole for eternity, suffering each and every day. Being subject to such abuse and horrors was something no innocent man should ever have to go through. 

Remembering the anger he felt at you especially hurt. There was nothing you or Nathan could have done. He never wanted to think like that again, to imagine himself yelling at you, for screaming and arguing. He would never forgive himself for feeling that way. 

Some nights he would wake up panting, thinking he had first woken up in the ‘doctors’ office again, that the clock had been reset. Some nights he woke up thinking he was in your arms again, he imagined you shushing him gently and lulling him back to sleep. Most nights he wished he didn’t wake up at all. 

He wondered if you thought of him, if you had moved on, if you were living the white picket dream he didn’t think he wanted until now. What he wouldn’t give to be out and see you one more time, even if you had moved on, even if you were married to some other person, he wanted to see you once more. To look you in the eye and remember all that had happened, to know that he had come out on the other side. 

But it was all foolish. He knew he was never getting out. 

•••

_ Depression  _

“Sam?” A voice whispered into the cell. Armando. 

“What?” He said groggily. 

“Wake up. Dinner is in five minutes,” Armando said. He looked outside, it was still light out. 

“Come on man, I’ll just buy from commissary later tonight,” He groaned, rolling back onto his stiff bed. 

“Get up. I let you sleep and kept the other guards off your back. You have to eat, Samuel,” Armando pressed. The only guard who showed him kindness. Who smuggled books for him, who slipped him money every now and then, who convinced the guards to let him work on laundry duty to earn a few extra bucks. The guard he originally despised, who he thought was only trying to be nice to him so he could wait for Sam to slip up. 

Sam simply let his eyes shut again.

“I have a present for you if you get up.” 

“I don’t care,” Sam replied, nothing mattered to him anymore. 

“I am sure you will like this one,” Armando continued. 

“Fine,” Sam sighed, pulling himself out of his bed. 

Armando unlocked the cell for him, he looked both ways to make sure no one was coming and shoved a book into his hand. 

“No way!” Sam said surprised, looking down at the book. 

“ _ A General History of The Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious Pyrates! _ You found it!” Sam spoke fervently, he could not quell his excitement. 

“Shhhh,” He reminded Sam, looking around to make sure no one had heard him. 

“Shit, sorry, but how the hell did you find it?” Sam said more quietly, flipping through the pages. 

“Ah, simple really. The library got it shipped from another one. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to get your hopes up in case they couldn’t ship it,” Armando explained. 

“Well shit, thank you. I have the other books in my cell so you can return them, let me grab them for you,” Sam replied, he didn’t want Armando having a hefty library late fee because of him. 

He gathered the things in his small cell. Books about history, mostly non fiction, anything Armando could get his hands on that was in English. 

He piled the books into Armando’s hands, hopefully no one would be suspicious if he managed to make it out quickly enough. Armando’s shift was ending in a few minutes. 

Things were silent for a moment as Sam gathered his courage to ask Armando. 

“Could.. could you send the letter to my brother? I slipped it in one of the pages of the book about the Renaissance,” Sam pleaded quietly. 

Armando’s lips formed into a tight line as he contemplated it. 

“I will see what I can do.” 

“You’re a lifesaver, Armando, seriously, thank you so much,” Sam said sincerely. The only man in that prison who had his back. 

•••

The warden called him into his office one night. The cruel man who was one of the ‘doctors’, the man who haunted his dreams. Sam was nervous, he could feel his hands shake. 

“Samuel Drake,” The man said with a fake inviting tone, urging him to sit down. He sat with cockiness, his hands steepled as he watched him with hawk eyes. 

Sam didn’t sit. 

“I hear you have been attempting contact with your brother. This is against the rules, Samuel, you know this.”

Sam didn’t reply. He knew he was screwed. 

“We will have to punish you. Solitary for three days.” The warden was taking joy in seeing Sam suffer. 

Sam’s eyes widened, three goddamn days?! 

“And a correctional activity with a few of our officers.” Sam knew what that meant.. a beating, a rough one. Outside the solitary confinement cells, they’d shackle him to the wall, beat him and throw him in the cell for three days. 

“Where’s Armando?” Sam asked, letting his emotions not leak into his voice. 

“Gone. You will never see him again.” 

_ Fuck _ . Armando had been fired? All because he wanted to send a letter to Nathan. 

The warden smiled at his silence. 

“Goodbye, Samuel,” The warden dismissed him, he was nearly at the door. His entire body felt heavy. 

“And if you ever try anything like this again, we will make a lesson out of you.” 

He knew what that meant too. 

•••

Just when things had started to look up, they had gone down again. Three days in solitary with a broken nose and black eye and split lip was not his favorite thing in the world. Not to mention his aching bones. The guards spat at him, pulled his hair, made fun of him, did everything to make him feel less than human. It didn’t work though, barely anything got through to him now. He had a devil may care attitude. It was better to.

He was thankful for the uninterrupted sleep even if it was on the concrete. Only time he got interrupted was when the guards would shove the shitty food to him. 

It was maddening for him, to only hear silence when he was awake, to have his thoughts suffocate him. His life, wasted away in prison. Dead to the world and practically dead to himself, there was no reason for living. 

Minutes ticked on, when he was sleeping he was trying to count how many times a fly in the cell touched a wall. He counted 473 times in the span of 68 hours. Eventually the fly died, or it escaped, he wasn’t sure because he was sleeping when the buzzing stopped. 

The blood was caked on him, he could barely move, so he laid on the cold concrete and watched the fly bounce back and forth. He was losing track of time. 

Most of his memories of his life prior to prison were blurred, he remembered how things went down, but people’s faces and voices were especially fuzzy. Like TV static, there was something there but he couldn’t quite see what. 

He hated solitary, but it was better than being hit by the guards, teased in the prison yard, yelled at. Most days he liked being alone.

•••

_ Acceptance  _

“Pongan sus traseros en línea, muchachos. ¡Es la hora de cenar! Feliz Navidad,” The announcer said. 

“Aye! Carlos! Sam!” Victor yelled across the chow hall. Sam and Carlos looked up at their friend. 

“Merry Christmas friends. I just got off the phone with my girl. She told me she sent a package here, it should arrive in a couple days,” Victor said happily. 

Carlos snickered, Sam eyed him as he shoveled food into his mouth. Christmas, the one day of the year where the guards weren’t awful and the food wasn’t  _ as  _ bad. It was still gloomy in the prison no matter the day, but at least the spirits were slightly up. 

“Something funny, Carlos?” Victor narrowed his eyes at Carlos. 

“Nothing. Just think it is funny you have your girlfriend sending you things. Why is she taking care of you? You’re the one who got in trouble.” 

Victor rolled his eyes, “That’s funny, Carlos, real funny, seeing how you love to drop your pants for-“ 

“Knock it off you two,” Sam threatened, glaring at the two of them. 

“I’ll give you something from the package, Sam since you are so nice to me, unlike this puta,” Victor said, gesturing towards Carlos. 

“Sure thing,” Sam said. He knew Victor was just saying that. 

“I wish I was with my family this Christmas. How many has it been? Two?” Carlos wondered. 

“Been three for me,” Victor replied. “Sam?” 

“I think nine. Or ten. I can’t remember, all of its blurring together.” 

The air became somber. “One day we’ll all get out, brothers, we’ll be with our families on Christmas and get presents and eat all that good shit,” Victor began. 

Sam didn’t want to hear any of this bullshit.

“I can’t even remember what my girlfriend sounded like. I haven’t heard her, or my brother in years, I don’t even know if they’re still around, so Christmas with them is kinda off the table for me,” Sam confessed solemnly. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about Christmas joy. He never was. 

Victor and Carlos were silent, they looked at each other nervously. They knew his story, rumors passed around over the years. He had risen in the ranks of prison, he had more freedoms, the guards picked on him less, the men respected him more. He had even made a few friends. 

“You’ll get out one of these days, you just have to hold on. I bet she’s waiting for you still, probably will be waiting on the bed for you with her legs op-” Carlos said. 

Sam quickly cut him off, “Yeah.. I doubt it.” 

•••

_ Reunion  _

The guards roughly pulled him out of his cell one day. He hadn’t gotten that type of treatment in a long time. He was surprised as they cuffed him and pushed him down the hallway. What the hell was going on? 

“You guys mind telling me what we’re doing?” Sam asked as one of the guards pushed him down the hall. 

“Just keep moving,” One of them ordered. They walked through the cell blocks, the loud chatter was deafening. There was a game of blackjack happening in the yard, he could see the big group of men gathered outside. 

They were headed straight for the warden's office. 

_ Shit.  _ What the hell happened now? 

They pushed him into the room. The warden stood stoically, looking out the window. 

“You’re a free man, Samuel,” The warden spoke. 

This had to be a joke. The warden was just fucking with him. 

Sam snorted, “Okay.” 

“10,000 it took. The man was insistent on us letting you go for a fair price,” The warden glanced back over at him. The man who first gave him the news of his life sentence and laughed in his face. 

“You can stop with the bullshit now.” 

“It’s not a lie, Samuel. You are a free man. You may leave now.” The warden turned to look at him. And then he knew it was true. 

Sam could feel every heartbeat, he could feel the freedom flow in him. He could feel the shackles being torn off. He was free. How was this possible? 

Sam stood frozen in his spot. 

“Leave,” The warden barked. Sam scrambled quickly and left. 

This was happening. It was really happening. 

There was no paperwork he needed to fill out since he was not registered. Victor and Carlos both got out a year ago, there were no needs for goodbyes. 

The guards let him outside. It all felt like a dream, like he would wake up inside solitary again. He felt like he was floating, like every step was another one closer to the heavens. 

He heard the buzzer go off, he felt the vibrations in his bones. 

Who was waiting for him? Who bailed him out? 

As he walked through the gates, he was officially a free man. Liberty rushed in his veins. That first breath of freedom was exhilarating, there was no stench of the prison, it was simply fresh and clean air. 

Rafe. Rafe goddamn Adler stood by his sleek black car. Was that this year's model? So much had changed.. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” 

“Glad to see you’re alive, and somewhat well,” Rafe smiled, brushing Sam’s shoulder off. 

“Where’s Nathan?” Sam asked. 

“No thank you? Thirteen years go by and you would think he would be a little more appreciative. You know Sam, you’re starting to sound a little ungrateful.” 

Sam narrowed his eyes. “I’ll be grateful when I know my brother is well.”

“Fine. I assumed as much. He’s doing well, retired, living the white picket dream as far as I know.” Rafe rolled his eyes. 

“And Y/N?” A part of him was afraid to know.. he had wondered for so long. But he was scared too, he felt cowardly for being afraid to face you. All he wanted was to see you again, and now he was a coward for being afraid. 

“Married too,” Rafe sighed, becoming annoyed at Sam. 

It felt like a stab, worse than any pain he had experienced during prison, holding on to the thought of you was what kept him going. He should have expected it though.. he should have known. 

“Well, anyways, I wouldn’t go moseying around, disrupting their lives. Especially not now, I mean come on, your brother is retired and your ex girlfriend is married. Don’t go trying to mess things up.” 

“Yeah,” Sam agreed. Jumping back into their lives, especially if you were married was cruel. It was better if you and Nathan still thought he was dead. 

He felt even more hollow than he had ever been before. 

“Let’s talk business, then, shall we?” 

•••

Two years stuck with Rafe Adler. Two years of living in Scotland in a grand apartment he hated. Two years of having to see Rafe’s smug face every month while Sam busted his ass looking in the Saint Dismas Cathedral. Just when he thought he was free, he was practically owned by Rafe. He had no personal money and nowhere to go so he stayed. 

Most nights he drowned himself in booze, hookers, nicotine, anything that would quell the ache in his heart. After years and years of solitude, Sam thought he deserved the party. Rafe didn’t care that Sam spent his money on such foolish things, he was filthy rich, Sam bought more cigarette boxes than he could count, a pack of cigarettes in prison was like a goldbar, so he stocked up on them to feel rich. Force of habit. But it did not stop the guilt, it felt wrong to sleep with other women, it felt wrong to drink without you. He missed you, he did, but he knew that chapter was over. 

But eventually he got tired of it, he had found enough clues to gather his own case and look for Henry Avery’s treasure with Nathan. He had been keeping tabs on Nathan, it was true, he had been married, worked for some diving company. He had even found a few of Nathan’s old contacts, a flirtatious woman named Chloe and a brute British man named Cutter. He had them both sworn to secrecy, both of them would rather Nathan be oblivious and remain in his happy, boring, normal life. 

He was too afraid to look you up. 

Sam felt guilty about coming so abruptly into Nathan’s life again. It wasn’t fair, he knew that, but Rafe did not deserve the treasure and it was him and his brother’s legacy to find it. He wondered how Nathan would react to finding out his older brother was alive. 

He tracked down Saint Dismas’ cross weeks ago. So here he stood, knocking on his little brother’s work, early in the morning. His heart was pounding wildly.. he was finally seeing Nathan. Guilt wrecked havoc inside of him, he knew it was wrong to lie to him, to come so suddenly back into his life. But Sam needed the adventure, it was selfish but he had earned it. 

“We’re not open yet,” Nathan called out. 

It was really him. 

Sam knocked again, louder. 

“We’re closed!” Nathan shouted back. 

Sam knocked insistently. 

“Come on, man, alright! I’m coming, I’m coming..” Nathan huffed. He heard the door click.. 

“Yeah, can I help you?” 

“Yeah I’m uh, looking for my little brother. He’s about your height, a little bit leaner, definitely less grays in the temple.” 

Nathan’s eyes were wide, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Sam?” 

Hearing Nathan say his name again was like music to his ears, he never even thought he would see him again. Nathan was older now, he looked different but it was still him. He was still his baby brother. 

“It’s good to see you again, Nathan.” 

•••

“And you’re sure he’s in this motel?” You confirmed, Elena nodded, anger spread across her face. She was so disappointed in him. 

“I’m certain. A name was registered under ‘Harry Flynn’.” 

“Really? He chose Flynn?” You rolled your eyes. Elena shot you a look, not the time for jokes.. 

You walked her to the motel, you managed to bribe the receptionist for a key to the room. King’s Bay was humid, your clothes stuck to you making every movement more uncomfortable. 

Elena called you two nights ago, she explained that she believed Nathan was lying to her, and that Sully had all but confirmed it. Sully didn’t outright say yes or no, but she knew. You lived in New Orleans with them, a few streets over from their house. Elena was your best friend. Nathan was like your brother. So, here you were, King’s Bay. Walking into a rundown motel, ready to confront her idiot husband. You were upset with Nathan too, especially for hurting Elena. There was shitstorm brewing, and you would undoubtedly take Elena’s side. 

Elena looked back at you, you looked at her with sympathy. 

“Good luck,” You said to her, giving her a quick hug. She nodded and shut the door, you went around the corner to wait for her. 

God, Nathan was so dumb, you leaned against the wall and waited. King’s Bay was nice this time of the year, besides the humidity. Maybe if things got messy you would take a walk around the block. What Nathan and Elena were about to step into was personal.. you didn’t want to be anywhere near that right now. 

A motorcycle pulled up to the motel, you heard Nathan begin talking. Something about a chase? Shoreline? What the hell was he going on about? You didn’t want to risk it, they could easily spot you if you even popped your head around the corner. 

They entered the room. 

Silence for a few minutes, you tapped your foot nervously. Elena needed you right now. The humidity was especially suffocating, or maybe it was because you were anxious too. 

Then you heard her exit quietly and you let our the breath you had been holding. 

“Elena!” You called out to her. “What happened?” 

Elena continued walking, she wanted to get as far away from that room as possible. “He lied to me, again. All he does is lie,” She said bitterly fighting back tears. 

You walked quickly to catch up with her stride, you were around the corner before she spoke again. 

“I- I can’t do this anymore,” She told you, her voice cracking. She shook her head in disbelief. 

“Elena, just breathe. What happened?” You said calmly, glancing back at the room. 

“He’s looking for some pirate treasure - Henry Avery.” 

Henry Avery..? Sam’s, Henry Avery? What the hell was going on. 

“And, now he has a brother?” She breathed out. 

“What?” Nathan brought up Sam? 

“He told me his name is Sam. Nathan looks just like him,” Elena replied, she watched the confusion fill your eyes. 

“He showed you a photo of Sam?” 

“No, he’s in there. In the room.” She pointed to the motel. 

You were speechless, you stared at the door. It couldn’t be true. There was no way. 

“What’s going on?” Elena asked, she was the one being kept in the dark. 

“I-“ You were at loss of words. There was no way he was in there, it simply wasn’t possible. Sam Drake was dead, you buried him years ago, but your eyes were fixed on the door. There was no way.. 

“Who is Sam?” She repeated, she was becoming worried. 

“Sam is Nathan’s older brother.. he died years ago in a Panamanian jail.. Nathan and I don’t like talking about him,” You confessed, snapping out from your trance to look at her. 

Her brows furrowed in confusion. 

“We were dating.. And then fifteen years ago he died.. he told me was going to marry me after he found Henry Avery’s treasure.” Sam Drake was dead.. he died years and years ago.

“What?” 

“It’s not possible.. he’s dead, Elena. Sam is dead and he’s been that way for a long time.” You blinked back tears, and yet your eyes kept trailing to that door. 

“He’s in there. Sully even told me that it was him.” 

“It can’t be true,” You mumbled. 

“Just.. go, I’ll be waiting here for you,” She urged you to go to the door. 

You nodded, that door felt like miles away, it felt like every step you took it got farther. Until you were right in front of it. 

There’s no way.. 

You knocked. 

“Elena?” Nathan opened the door quickly, expecting to see her instead. 

You gathered your thoughts. 

“Elena.. told me that she saw Sam.” 

“Yeah, yeah she did..” Nathan trailed off, his voice quiet. 

“What?” You could feel the tears coming on strong now. 

“Sam?” Nathan turned around and called out his name. 

Nathan moved out of the way, and suddenly there he 

“Hi.” 

Now you were truly speechless.

“No.. I.. I buried you a long time ago.” 

“I’m still here.” It was like your hearts were beating as one, you couldn’t believe it, Sam was really here. 

Tears fell from your eyes like silent raindrops. 

“I’m home. I came back like I said.” 

Sam promised you that he would come back and marry you.. except he lied. Nathan never told you the details of what happened to save your sanity.. but you assumed it was not a peaceful death. It kept you up at night.. thinking of how Sam probably suffered. 

He stepped closer to you, walking slowly and fragile, like you were going to shatter. 

“How?” 

“I lived. Doctor patched me up and threw me back in,” He explained, he was right in front of you. You wanted to reach out and touch him, just to make sure he was real.

“If I knew you were still alive, I would-” Your voice broke. 

“Shh.. I know. I know. I don’t blame you for anything.” 

He pulled you into a hug. He was real.. he felt the same, his hug was still strong and secure and safe. He still smelt the same, he still loved you the same. 

“God, I missed you so much,” You sobbed into his chest, he brushed your hair down. You were out of a sync without him. 

Sam was dreading the day he would have had to knock on your door and disrupt everything, but instead, you knocked on his. He was scared to face you, to see how you changed without him. It was supposed to be you and him against the world. 

Sam asked Nathan not to talk about you when they were in Italy.. Nathan was confused but he agreed. It was too painful for Sam to hear how you had gone to live your life without him in it.

“I missed you too,” He replied. It felt so good to hug you, two years ago he never thought he would ever even see you again, but now you were here in his arms. It felt.. almost wrong.. underneath that happiness there was the current of selfishness. You were a married woman.. he shouldn’t take so much pleasure in being hugged by you. But god, he did. He lied to Nathan and he was going to have to lie to you too. 

You let your emotions get the best of you, you took his face in your hands, looking deeply into his eyes and you kissed him, feeling the tears drip down the side of your face. 

Sam pushed you away after a few moments.. he looked shamefully away. 

“We shouldn’t..” 

You blinked in surprise. You were so stupid to have thought that things would be the same. 

“Why?” 

“Your husband.”   
“What husband?” You asked. 

“You’re married, aren’t you?” 

You lifted up your left hand, “I was saving it for you.” 

Rafe lied. He felt his blood get hot.. Rafe lied to him, took two years away from him and you being together, all to get Sam to stay. 

You kissed him again, you really kissed him. He melted into your touch, all that anger and pain went away. All those years in prison meant nothing now, he was here and you were here. All those beatings, nightmares, pain, it meant absolutely nothing in your arms. And he was kissing you so lovingly, it was a welcome home kiss. It was a kiss that was a promise, that he would never leave your side again. And you knew it was true. It felt like it lasted forever, and you did not mind forever. Especially with how much time you lost being with him, forever seemed better than good. 

•••

  
  
  



End file.
